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Today marks the 26th day since I moved into my new apartment. I think it’s a very important milestone. I’ll give you three guesses.

No.

No.

No.

The reason is that today I finished my first roll of toilet paper. I’m slightly disappointed that I didn’t quite make it all the way to the one month point, as that was my original contention, but I think over three and a half weeks proves my point. If you want to know what my point was, call Jacqueline and ask her why I made her buy all the toilet paper.

Speaking of toiletries*, I got a free electric toothbrush from the Faculty of Dentistry** yesterday. It has a bit that spins and a bit that vibrates, but the “foamy rubber grippy bits”*** are a bit off. Regardless, my old boothbrush is to it what a broom is to an industrial floor waxing and buffing machine. I’m looking forward to the next time I use it already.

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* My computer’s dictionary gives me this: “toiletry (n). An artifact used in making your toilet.” Is it me or is that exactly not what that means?

** I’m giving Faculty of Dentistry 7 to 1 odds on being the next one of McGill’s faculties to fall victim to the current rash of ego-building philanthropy, falling behind Medicine at 5 to 1 and Engineering at 2 to 1.****

*** I love you, Elvira Kurt.

**** I actually just made those numbers up. I don’t know how to make odds for anything. The point is, it’s only a matter of time before I go to the Smith Center for Physics, a subsidiary of the Lefebvre Faculty of Science, or some such thing.

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