That I don’t like coffee is a fact that to some people is as incomprehensible as not drinking alcohol. My preference for tea is sometimes enough of an excuse as it is an equally respectable hot beverage (such a strategy does not exist for alcohol), but I have sensed mocking tones before. Not unlike that time someone poked fun at me for ordering milk to go with my chocolate cake. It’s all in good fun, but still.
Nonetheless, I still manage to make a habit of going to study at a nearby Tim Horton’s three or four times a week. My beverage of choice is generally the French Vanilla Cappuccino. It’s a sissy kind of coffee, but still a standard order. The problem is that there’s only so much of that stuff that you can drink in a day. It’s heavy and sits with you for quite a while, and there’s always an undefined fog of “unhealthy” floating around when I have one.
I could get tea, but it always feels so wrong to pay $1.50 for something I can get at home for ten cents. I could order that thing called hot chocolate but I know it’ll just be brown water. The alternative that I really want, that is just as satisfying and unhealthy as the cappuccino but without the coffee overtones, is a raspberry hot smoothee.
Few know these things even exist, but they do. I don’t even know what it’s made of, aside from using the same machine as the flavoured cappuccinos, but it’s hot and it’s raspberry flavoured and it’s pink. (Nutritional info is about the same as cappuccinos; 260 calories and 9g of fat for a medium, but no caffeine.)
The problem is that this all means it’s embarrassing to try to order one. I’m never entirely certain that anybody will know what I’m talking about when I ask for a hot smoothee, and if they do, then I’m equally embarrassed for ordering a pink drink instead of a real coffee. What will the cashier think? What if somebody in line overhears me? I should probably stop linking my masculinity to my beverage choice.
I might as well order a glass of milk in a bar.